Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
