I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
