after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
