yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
