We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
