I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
