I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
