if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
