I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
