I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
