There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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