Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
