what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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