She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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