i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
