is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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