hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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