I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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