Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
