im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
