dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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