Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
