hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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