Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
