my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize