So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is wine microwaveable?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
