the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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