my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
