One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
