meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
