Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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