I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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