Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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