I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Randomize
