You made me cry and you don't even care
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
