Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
