The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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