I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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