Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
