3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
