allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
