yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
