I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
