So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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