every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
