Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
