I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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