I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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