It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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