Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
