mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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