woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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