how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
