I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
