I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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