You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
