im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
