You just made me feel so damn special
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
