i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize