Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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