Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she peed on how many people?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
