he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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