I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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