mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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