i permit you to call me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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