Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
