just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
