I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
