I'm jealous of your bromance
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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