dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
