Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So much rum. So many feels.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
