I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
