you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
