why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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