i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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