the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
