someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
