Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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