I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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