Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
