They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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