i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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