people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
