Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
