Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
