Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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