ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
