Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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