I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
