Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
