so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
