So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
